


a little bit of light

by dogstarblack



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Gen, Lots of Angst, idk i was just really feeling this and now you get to feel it too, its like hurt/comfort but in reverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-22 02:18:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11957646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dogstarblack/pseuds/dogstarblack
Summary: Cynthia still remembers how much Connor used to laugh, all the jokes he used to tell.





	a little bit of light

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this after listening to a little bit of light and crying for twenty minutes so thats pretty much the mood of this

Cynthia laughed as her husband lost control of their children’s remote control airplane and crashed it directly into the water, just out of reach and too submerged to fly back out. She laughed even harder when Connor jutted his bottom lip out and asked Larry if he could _go in and get it out, pretty please dad?_ Larry ultimately refused and Connor and Zoe both stomped back over to the blanket Cynthia had laid out and sat back next to her.

“Daddy crashed the plane,” Zoe complained, and Cynthia shook her head.

“Well, that’s just too bad, isn’t it? We’ll just have to get a new one later, won’t we?” she said, raising her eyebrows.

“Can we, mom?” Connor asked, eyes brightening.

“It’s only fair, especially since it was your dad’s fault,” she told them, stage whispering the last part and grinning as Larry shook his head at her. 

After approximately twelve seconds of sitting on the blanket, Connor groaned and threw himself backwards. “I’m _bored_ , mom.”

“Well, I guess you’ll have to find something to make yourself less bored,” she teased.

He hummed, considering. After a moment, he shot back up and looked Cynthia in the eyes.

“Why did the duck cross the road?” he asked, very obviously trying to stifle his giggles.

“Why?” Cynthia asked.

“Because he wanted to prove he wasn’t _chicken_!” he shouted, and then he _did_ start laughing, as did Zoe, and Cynthia couldn’t help but join.

Her son really did have a wonderful sense of humor.

\--

Cynthia could hear Connor and Larry shouting at each other in the living room, and she knew nothing she could say would do anything to diffuse the situation, so she sat in the dining room and waited. She couldn’t do anything right now, but she could at least try to calm them down afterwards.

“Fuck you!” Connor shouted, and Cynthia flinched. 

“That is no way to talk to me! I am your father and--” Larry fired back, but Cynthia could already hear Connor stomping out of the living room.

She stood and when Connor saw her there, he sighed.

“Connor?” she said, and he rolled his eyes.

“What?” he asked, sounding like he wished more than anything that she’d shut up and let him go, and honestly, he probably did.

“Why did the duck cross the road?” she asked, hoping it would do _something_ , would at least remind him that things hadn’t always been bad.

But when she looked at him, really _looked_ ; took into account how red his eyes were--she didn’t even know if that was from crying or from drugs--and the bags under them, the angry red lines peeking out from his jacket, the way he looked through her instead of at her, she wondered if that Connor existed at all anymore. Then she saw a spark of _something_ in his eyes, something that filled her chest with hope for only a moment, because as soon as it appeared, it was gone.

“Who fucking cares?” was his reply, and he shouldered past her and towards the stairs.

She wondered if she’d ever get her little boy back, the one with light behind his eyes, the one who loved telling jokes. He seemed to get further away every day, and she wasn’t sure there was any way to pull him back.

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi on [tumblr](http://420endme.tumblr.com)


End file.
